


Something they can never take away.

by Enola8312



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Artistic John, Blackmail, Coffee, College, Debating, F/M, Fluff, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Pining, Smut, Turtles, student, teacher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-09-12 18:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 13,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9085003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enola8312/pseuds/Enola8312
Summary: Alex and John have known eachother forever and John it seems has liked Alex forever. Watch as they, along with Lafayette and Hercules attend college together. Will living together make their relationship stronger or will it tear everything apart ?





	1. Alex you gotta pack.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Hamilton fic I really hope you enjoy it and don't forget to leave comments.

"Hamilton I swear to god!" Lafayette shouted before falling over the pile of books the younger boy had left at his bedroom door.  
"Alex,Herc and John are in the truck its time to go,you've had weeks to pack!" he exclaimed tossing a shoe in the boys direction.Alex dodged the shoe throwing clothes and chargers into bags,and finally (after many books and loose sheets of paper crushed into the bag) zipped up the zipper and threw the bag at his friend grabbing another two or three.   
"You do realise it's just college Alex,you literally won't need this many pairs of shoes,"Lafayette said squeezing through the door frame and throwing Hamiltons things into the back of the truck with the rest of their stuff.  
"You never know when you'll need an extra pair of socks plus I bet you someone will forget to pay for heating and they'll come in handy,"   
He then ran to the door of the small bungalow,locked it and threw the keys into the letterbox.He had already said his goodbyes to Fred his adoptive father that morning and was eager to leave.  
Alex had a horrible childhood with his mother dying when he was twelve and his father leaving before her death,he was put into an orphanage and fortunately was adopted by Fred when he was thirteen.Fred was a strange man,he wasn't married and at the ripe age of 51 there was questioned asked about his romantic life,mainly by Alex.Fred never hid the fact he was gay if anything he embraced it,this made it so much easier when Alex came out as bisexual when he was sixteen. If a person could call it "coming out" Fred asked him simply over breakfast one morning and Alex told him the older man nodded his head,sipped his coffee and went on to show him an article about some scientist in Eastern Europe.That was another thing about Fred he is what in movie someone would call a "mad scientist" Alex wasn't entirely sure what he done just simply knew it wasn't his "thing".Alex was a writer,whether he liked it or not he was incredibly talented when it came to "putting words together" as Fred put it. The two got along well, Fred being at the lab most of the time and Alex at the library or at school or at out with his three best friends,John Lauren's,Hercules Mulligan and Lafayette (who was French and had much too long of a name for anyone to understand so therefore everyone called him Lafayette or Laf).The boys had grown up together they went to school together, lived beside each other and even their parents got along quite well ( except for Henry Lauren's who everyone disliked but looked past it for their child's sake). The boys although best friends couldn't be more unalike.Alex was loud and angry and stood up for anything he believed in.Alex was the typical teenage boy and at 17 he was partying every weekend.John though just as opinionated as Alex was more reserved and although he would voice his opinion he respected the feelings of others,which Alex sometimes forgot,he was an artist and could be usually found holed up in his room drawing and when he was dragged to parties by Alex he was the one to cover for Alex when he got shitfaced drunk and couldn't get home,he remembered condoms when a friend met someone at a party,that "someone" was usually Alex who at the young age of 17 had slept with most of the towns teenage youth.Alex's sex life was nothing compared to the charm and charisma of Lafayette, being French he was quite the flirt, he was pansexual and was blessed to be the most attractive of the group (which he boasted about,daily).The oldest and quietest of the group was Hercules,he was the "mom" friend he always kept people's money and phones from getting lost,he held Lafayette's hair back when he decided to drink jungle juice all night long, he was a designer he loved fashion and despite rumours about him being gay he was asexual.   
The boys where delighted to all get into the same college,they all came from family's where money was not a problem and although they were not rich they all chipped in to rent a four bed semi detached house just outside of campus and right now that's where they were going. The back of the truck held all of their bags and John and Alex as it only had two seats and Hercules was able to drive and Laf called shotgun first therefore the two youngest members were huddled under a blanket on a chilly august afternoon in the back of a truck for two and a half hours.


	2. John it didn't happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get to the house but there's a problem both with the rooms and with Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is such a hard character to write as is John idk whether to write them like everyone else does or to write them the way I believe they would be which may be OOC i don't know. Tell me in the comments what you think.

By the time they got there the raining was bucketing down.John and Alex were soaking.Laf needed to go to the toilet and Herc was tired.  
Herc parked the car in the assigned area and they all took the millions of bags and blankets from under the plastic sheet and carried them inside.Laf unlocked the door with the keys and they made their way in. They hadn't got the chance to visit the house but by the pictures it was really nice and the owner Mrs Angelica Schuyler was a stern but nice woman who knew Henry Laurens from some political thing and he had given the house the once over and told the boys that everything was fine.   
Though a problem rose when Lafayette called down from the landing at the top of the stairs.  
"Um guys come here!" The three made their way up the stairs to were Lafayette was standing.   
"I just went to the bathroom," he pointed at a door dramatically.  
"Erm okay," Herc said rolling his eyes and putting his bag on the ground.   
"Why don't you pick a room Herc,"Hercules looked at him like he was losing his mind and pointed at a door at random.   
"Okay and I'll have this bedroom," said Laf pointing at another door.   
"Shit." Said Alex.  
In the excitement of getting there and thinking Lafayette was crazy for a few minutes he hadn't realised how many rooms there was.Four.  
Laf had just been to the toilet in one room. That left three bedrooms for four men.   
"The other room must be down stairs."  
"Nope!"popped Lafayette from one of the rooms.  
"Just a kitchen and a living room."   
"Angelica must have got it wrong I'll phone in the morning," Hercules said from the room he was in.   
"But I'm tired so I'll see you two in the morning," he smiled and closed the door.   
Laf looked at John and Alex.   
"My shit is already in here,it's late we'll deal with it in the morning goodnight.."   
Alex and John made there way to the room in the middle of the two dragging their bags in.   
"I can sleep on the coach,if ya want," Alex said.John shook his head.   
"Let's not make a big deal of it huh we've had sleepovers before!"   
"I guess,"Alex laughed.Putting his bags on the double bed.  
Lafayette had warned Alex before. Not to let the fact that he had sex with anyone he came in contact with effect their friendship.Any of them. Especially John because their friendship was the thing Alex valued most. They had been through everything together and he wasn't going to let anything get the better of him.   
"Come on then!" John said "hey at least we get double the pillows and blankets and they don't ,right?" Alex walked towards the bed to get in,but John stopped him.  
"Clothes Alex,they're soaking wet." John could see that Alex was zoned out what he thought was just an awkward situation was making Alex extremely uncomfortable and he knew why.   
The ride there would have been long and boring if John didn't have Alex jabbering into his ear all the way. They began to talk about childhood and Alex brought up something about his mother and suddenly he went quiet and looked away. John put his arm around his shoulders embracing him and muttering " it's okays" that's when Alex turned his head and both men were inches away from each other when Alex leaned in and so did John. This was the exact moment when a car swerved out in front of herc causing Laf to roll down the window and scream at the drivers,ruining whatever was happening.   
Alex then continued to pretend like it didn't happen and began to complain about potholes and the moment was gone.   
John turned his back to who was standing next to the bed dripping wet.He pulled his shirt over his head and removed his jeans pulling on a pair of checked pyjama bottoms and getting into bed. Alex couldn't help but stare at the freckles that laced johns body and the bulge in John boxers.  
Alex quickly put took of his clothes getting into bed. Snapping out of the daze he had been in, he was Alexander Hamilton he wasn't going to be fazed by a half naked man in the bed next to him. A man who also happened to be his best friend that he had been crushing on for years but didn't like to admit it,therefore slept with everyone around him to cover any evidence of infatuation that someone might pick up on. This was also the man he had just nearly kissed in the rain in the back of a truck a few hours prior. This was John who flirted back and forth playfully with him when he was bored,John who he bickered with so much they had been compared to an old married couple.   
"Alex go to sleep I can feel your brain working," John said.Alex laughed.  
John turned and looked at his best friend.  
"So we're pretending it didn't happen?" Asked John.  
"What didn't happen?" Alex said half heartily.  
John nodded almost sadly and then smiled and turned around.   
They both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Have a lovely day


	3. Laf I was drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breakfast,pining and a party!

When the next morning came.Alex woke up to John getting dressed.   
"Good morning!" John said.Bending down to flick Alexanders forehead.Alex closed his eyes pretending to fall back asleep.  
"Come on Hamilton,we have classes and people to meet and I have things to draw and you have shit to write,Herc has gotta design some clothes and Laf is gunna do whatever the fuck business men do," Alex laughed at his friend and rolled around in the bed to face the other way.   
After the two men were dressed and washed they headed down stairs. The smell of eggs wafted through the hall.   
Laf and Herc were sitting in the kitchen eating.   
"Morning!" Alex said as he slid onto a chair beside Lafayette. Taking a plate of eggs from the middle of the table.  
"Morning," Lafayette said his French accent thick.   
"Morning, John I made you a pancake instead," Herc said gesturing towards the plate on the counter.  
"Why does Lauren's get special treatment?" Alex whined " I too want pancakes," Herc raised his eyebrow and rolled his eyes. John slid into the chair beside Hercules.   
"Because I don't like eggs," John said.   
"Because you're a baby," Lafayette added and Hamilton snickered.   
"Watch out Laf he'll be calling you daddy," Alex said cheekily. Everyone groaned.   
"Breakfast Alex seriously?" Hercules said putting his plate into the sink and throwing on his coat.   
" I'm off I'll see everyone later," he said walking through the front door.   
Alex had forgotten to ask about calling Angelica about the room situation. He'd ask that night. It felt like Laf could read his mind.  
"How was your sleep?" Asked the Frenchman.Alex didn't want to offend John or come across desperate, he had felt comfortable in bed with John.Just knowing John was beside him helped him sleep peacefully.John interrupted his thought process.   
"He talks in his sleep," John said talking a bit of pancake.   
"What,no I don't!" Alex argued looking sternly at John.   
"How would you know you're asleep you idiot and yeah he talks in his sleep,"John said. Laf who thought Alex's uncomfortableness was hilarious kept the conversation.   
"What does he talk about?"   
"Fucking anything,at one point he was taking about how the need for both spoons and forks is stupid as sporks can do both the jobs,"John said looking at Alex through his eyelashes and then winking he got up,put his plate in the sink and ran upstairs to get his coat as he had spotted rain streaking down the window outside.   
Laf raised his eyebrow at Alex.Alex looked at him questionably.   
"I saw that wink,"Laf said smugly sipping at his coffee.   
"So?" Alex answered his heart beginning to pound,a wink didn't mean anything,it was flirty but they were always flirty around each other it was their thing.  
"You and John share a bed and zee next morning you are making kinky jokes and his is winking at you," Alex nearly choked on the stolen piece of pancake he was chewing on.  
"Nothing happened!" He said flushing red.  
"It's John he's my best friend,I'd never,"   
"What did you tell me over half a year ago then,lies?"Laf said grinning.  
"I was drunk,we've talked about this!"Alex said frantically,annoyed that his best friend had even brought that night up.It had been 8 months prior at a party in some girls house. Alex had persuaded Laf to go with him and as they stumbled home both shitfaced drunk Alex had confessed in a drunken state that he had a thing for Lauren's.But he had been drunk,very drunk and even though there had been some truth behind it Laf wasn't to know.   
John walked back into the kitchen in a denim jacket and a beanie.   
"Ooo what's going on,whys ham all mad?"   
Lafayette smirked.   
"He gets like that,but I mean that's none of my business!" And with that Laf left the kitchen and out the front door presumably to his first class.  
"What's going on, what were y'all talking about!"John exclaimed.   
"Nothing!" Alex said looking done with the conversation.  
"Sporks?"John grinned cheekily.Alex rolled his eyes and shook his head.   
"We're y'all talking about how much of a good boyfriend I am is Laf jealous?" Alex heart was in his mouth.John was joking this was John he was messing around seeing how far Alex would go it was a game.He hadn't heard anything.  
"I'm gunna be late I'll see you later," Alex said excited the house with a wave. He began waking towards the college.It was raining.He didn't even notice though his thoughts racing and his cheeks burning.He needed to stop acting weird or John would catch on.He got to his first class and as it began his phone vibrated in his pocket.A text from Lafayette.  
"Party a minutes away from us in some apartment wanna go?"  
Alex shot back a yes. He needed to get drunk and get Lauren's out of his head for one night.   
"It's at 7 I'll see you at 6 at the foursome flat!! I've already texted Lauren's and Herc they're going too"  
John Lauren's was officially everywhere.  
Alex texted Laf back.  
"We are not calling it "the foursome flat" that's stupid considering it's a house and foursome just doesn't sound good,we call it that I'm moving out"  
His phone vibrated one more time before he shut it off and put it back into his pocket.   
"Sorry I do not speak the English"


	4. Herc to the rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punches,partying and pretty girls.

Alex walked out of his last class of the day ready to get wasted.As he was walking out of the door someone walked into him nearly knocking him to the ground.  
"Watch it asshole!"Alex said regaining his position.  
"Get out of my fucking way in the future!" The man said. Alex made eye contact with the man that had nearly just hurt him.Considering Hamilton was just short of 5,5 and this guy was around 6,4.Alex was still willing to take him.   
"You walked straight into me why don't you fucking apologise and leave,"  
"Why don't you make me,bastard!" And with that last word Alex snapped and pushed the guy up against a wall ready to punch him in the face. Before he could do anything strong arms tackled him from behind.  
"Alex what's going on?" Hercules' soothing voice questioned and finally when he thought Alex wasn't going to kill the other man let him go.  
"He fucking walked straight into me and then had the fucking nerve to blame me!"   
Hamilton could feel his blood starting to boil again.   
"Listen man,why don't you just apologise, what's your name?"   
The other man spoke "Thomas Jefferson and I apologise to your little friend who can't seem to keep his mouth shut!"  
Alex went for him again. He began to curse at Thomas but it was muffled by Hercs strong hand.  
"This is Alexander Hamilton,Mr Jefferson and you'll need to understand he doesn't tend to back down,now it was nice to meet you and I apologise for my friend here, have a nice day,"  
The two men walked home in silence.   
When they got into the house Laf and John were sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee for Laf and tea for John.  
"Jesus Christ what happened to him!" John said gesturing to the scrape down Alex's face from when he pushed Thomas up against the wall.  
"This idiot got in a fight cause someone walked into him!"  
"He nearly fucking killed me!"   
"Bare in mind Alex that he was twice your height and size and would have fucking killed you if he had the chance!" Hercules said sitting at the table.  
"What was his name?" John asked.  
"Thomas something Jef?" Herc was interrupted by Laf.  
"Thomas Jefferson?" He asked.  
"Yeah do you know him?" Alex asked.  
"Yeah,he's hosting the party we're suppose to be going to in half an hour!"  
Herc looked at Alex.  
"You can either behave or I'll stay in and look after you?"   
Alex looked guilty   
"I'll behave,"   
Laf clapped his hands and everyone left to get dressed and ready for the party.  
They had got there easily enough. Jeffersons house was five minutes away from their own,though much bigger and grander than their own little semi-detached.The place was filled with people and Jefferson greeted everyone at the door.He didn't seem to notice Hamilton and if he did he didn't let on.As the night went on Alex became more and more intoxicated and everything became more and more blurry.   
As he was filling up his fifth cup of whatever the hell was going he bumped into a girl in a blue dress.  
"Shit sorry!" He said   
"It's fine honestly!"   
"Alexander Hamilton!" He held out his hand and she shook it.  
"Eliza Schuyler!"  
She was obviously drunk and she wobbled and she got closer to Alex as they couldn't hear anything over the speakers and noise.  
She got a respective distance away but the alcohol and the fact that someone behind her bumped into her by mistake meant that she fell into Alex and he didn't really understand how it happened but suddenly they were kissing and he was telling her his house was a couple of minutes away and she was agreeing and suddenly she was lying next to Alex half naked as his head pounded and light shone into the room.  
He fell asleep yet again and when he woke up she had gone leaving her number and a note saying that she had stuff to do on Saturdays.  
He wobbled down the stairs both Herc and Laf were still in their beds and it was only John up at ten in the morning sitting drinking coffee(John never drank coffee).  
"Morning Lauren's!"he said pouring himself a cup and sitting next to the man.  
"I slept on the couch by the way," John said before getting up and leaving Alex alone in the kitchen.  
Lauren's had gotten home that night relatively sober,he had always worried about everyone else getting home safe that it distracted him from drinking.He had searched for Alex for an hour before a lady had told him that she had seen him leave with some girl and and when he arrived home with Laf and Herc judging from the sounds coming from the bedroom the woman had been right.John was tired and disheveled and before making sure the other two of his friends were safe in their beds he decided that the couch was the best bet for any sleep at all. All the spare blankets were in Alex's room therefore John slept on the freezing couch. This wasn't the first time Hamilton had done this and it wouldn't be the last but he knew it was never about love with Alexander,he liked it nice and quick and by the morning they were usually gone. He didn't respect them enough to even call back, he'd seen both male and females come and go and sometimes stop him on the street and ask about Alex why he hadn't called them back ,they would ask if he was alright because whatever it was about Hamilton he was intoxicating,he drew people in and once he was finished John was left to pick up the pieces, buy them a coffee and tell them some bull shit story about how Alex was going through a hard time when he was probably at that second getting wasted and fucking someone else and that's why John decided they must always be best friends because he couldn't bare to be just another person thrown aside by Alex he didn't want to lose him and if the only way he could keep Alexander Hamilton in his life was to be his best friend and defy every urge telling him that he wanted to be more then so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update on Mondays !!!


	5. Thomas is an asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-party problems.

Alex was stunned John had just left the room, John had just practically stormed out on him."I slept on the couch" maybe he should apologise for taking his bed but it wasn't his fault there had been a mix up with the rooms and if John was mad at him where would Alex sleep that night.  
"What's up ham,"Lafayette asked walking into the kitchen.His face was grey,his lips chapped and he looked like he hadn't slept in a week.  
"Coffee?" Alex asked.  
"Black," Lafayette sat at the table his face leaning on his palm.  
"So I see someone got lucky last night, nice girl,met her when I was puking this morning she got me spare tissue roll,are you gunna call her back?"Lafayette asked sipping his coffee that Alex had passed him as he sat opposite.  
"Probably,I don't know,not really looking for a relationship," Lafayette rolled his eyes.  
"Have you ever looked for a relationship Alex?" Alexander looked towards the living room where John was. Lafayette didn't catch it.  
"I'm surprised you didn't come home with anyone?" Alex teased.  
"Non,but you know who I would have if he wasn't so occupied,"  
"Who" Alex asked.  
"Thomas!" Laf laughed cheekily.  
"No you can't I hate him and he nearly beat me up and he's an asshole!"   
"Eye yes little lion but I'm sure you provoked him and he was perfectly nice to me!"Laf said smiling.  
"Speaking of sleeping with people where's John?"  
"That's not funny nor is it suitable since I don't think we're talking,"Alex said.  
"Well,last night he was looking for you for ages before you left he seemed pretty upset when he realised you had gone home with liza!" Laf said slurring almost every word in his hungover state.  
"I should apologise," Alex said getting up and walking towards the living room door.  
"Alex!" Laf called after him.   
"Don't make this any worse than it is for him!"Alex looked at Lafayette curiously.  
"What do you mean?"   
"I mean you can't just have random hookups with him around you know!"  
"You do!"   
"I don't have what you two have!"  
"You're being stupid we're friends"  
"You're crazy if you think that's friendship Alex and it's mutual and I don't understand why you don't do something about it!"  
Alex looked at Laf one last time before going into the living room.  
"Hey,"John was turned facing the TV Herc had brought from home.   
John didn't answer.   
"Remember when we spent all night watching Judge Judy marathons the time I broke my leg," Alex said sitting down at the space at the bottom where johns feet were as he was stretched out on the couch.Alex had broken his leg when he was 16 after some rave that they had went to when he drunkly fell into a pothole on the way home. Couple nights later he had came home with the plaster and was on so many meds that he couldn't sleep.John had stayed with him getting him water and making him comfortable the whole night. John seemed to be there in most of Alex's memories when Alex had his first kiss at the movies when he was fourteen he had made John bring a girl so that they could double date and a few months later John came out as gay to Alex and Alex in return came out as bi. He was there when John got the flu,he held an ice pack to his head and stroked his curls when he had a fever. Henry Lauren's was always at work and Johns mother had left when he was five.  
They both got drunk for the first time together with stolen alcohol from their parents house and many times after when Lauren's snuck Hamilton into his house when he was too wasted to make it home or when he decided to try edibles. Hamilton never looked after Lauren's in the same way but he held him when Lauren's told him about his mother and invited him over when he knew Henry was at work and John would be alone. They looked after one another and even though they would bicker John would always talk to him or at least call him a dick and walk away it was never silence.Alex tried one more time to get his attention before leaving the room and reappearing a minute later with something behind his back.He placed the object on johns stomach and John rolled his eyes.   
"A fucking spork Hamilton you're not being forgiven I am simply just laughing at your idiocy!"  
"Are we okay ?" Alex asked.John looked and him and was about to forgive,but everything came flooding back,Alex wasn't doing this because he felt the same way he did he was doing it so that they could talk again so that he wouldn't have anything to worry about so he could go out and hook up with some other girl or guy and not have to worry about poor John at home.He got up and marched out of the door and up the stairs to their room Hamilton following him. He went in and got his sketch pad out and sat on the ground trying not to look at the unmade bed and the empty condom wrapper.At least they had been safe,that's all Alex fucking needed.He began to sketch as Hamilton entered and sat cross legged in front of him.  
"John I,"John cut him off with a shush.  
Alex glanced at the paper that his friend was rapidly drawing on.A turtle of course in Johns weird eccentric style. Alex knew what a turtle meant sort of or well he guessed. When he had a crush on Nathan Black when he was 15 John had began to draw turtles and every time since then that Lauren's had a crush or was feeling somewhat emotionally troubled he seemed to draw turtles. He was wrong this wasn't about him.  
"Who is he?" Asked Alex. John looked up catching his eyes.  
"Who is who?"  
"Please say it's not Thomas from the party because I will literally move out the guy is such an asshole.  
"You draw turtles when you're emotional and unless you're really upset about having to sleep on a couch then I'm thinking someone at the party?"   
John put down the sketch pad,Alex was right though he drew turtles when he was annoyed or sad or in love. The turtle usually was the same style but with something that resembled the other person.  
For his dad it was a briefcase hidden in a part of the shell,for Maya Summers,Alex's bitch of a girlfriend when they were 15 it was a pearl bracelet and for Alex it was a delicate heart and ink pot in the turtles eye.


	6. Johns drawings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turtles,Laughing and Chapped Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update on Mondays.

Alex shuffled closer until he was sat beside John on the bedroom floor he spotted the empty condom wrapper and loose sock under the bed.Shit.He picked up the sketch pad and flicked through.John tried to grab it.But not before he came across a picture of Laf,laughing in the kitchen with his cup of coffee another of Lafayette with his head over a balance sheet.Three in a row of Hercules in a beanie sitting at the counter,laughing at the steering wheel of the truck and standing with a box in the doorframe. They were done so life like and perfect it was almost like a photo.Then he came across one of himself sitting next to John,in the truck with his head back just talking only half of his face in the picture. Alex turned the page again showing the best one yet as John made another grab but Alex turned and held it close looking at it again.It was of the first morning at the new house at breakfast he was staring into space presumably at the window but his face was the deal breaker.John had drawn him so that he almost didn't think it was him.His eyes were a perfect shape as was his nose.His lips were plump and smooth.He didn't look handsome,he looked beautiful.He shut the book and handed it back.   
"John,I don't look like that,that's not me!"  
"What do you mean?" Asked John.   
"It looks like I glow like somehow you've made me perfect but that's not me in reality I'd be rolling my eyes and my nose would be all scrunched up and my mouth would be open and my lips would be chapped!"John looked taken aback.  
"I'm sorry but I drew it then and there and that's exactly how I saw you,your eyes were wonderful you were staring of somewhere because you were thinking about something someone had said,your nose was perfect since it was a time where you were still for once and your mouth was closed because I'm sure you had something to say but you took the time to stop and think which I know you find hard,"Alex was staring right at him now deep into his eyes they were much to close for people who were platonic best friends.  
"And your lips,they probably were chapped since all you do is bite them so I admit I used a bit of artistic licence there,"   
"And that's it?" Alex chuckled getting closer.  
"I promise," John whispered almost sharing breath with the man now.  
"That's it,"John said just as their lips met softly at first but then becoming more frantic as if years of keeping every urge and every emotion down came out and it wasn't beautiful,if John had of drawn it at that moment it wouldn't be perfect it would have been what it was raw and with so much emotion that Alex was sure everyone could feel it.They kissed with such urgency that one would think the world was ending,it could have because this is exactly what both of them wanted to be so close and so infatuated as Alex straddled Johns hips as he sat against the wall his sketchbook tossed to the side open on the page with the turtle with the heart and ink pot hidden in its eye ,though it no longer needed to be.


	7. I think Laf knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WATCH OUT BADLY WRITTEN SMUT AHEAD READ WITH CAUTION.IF YOU ARE SMOL DON'T READ THIS.SMUT!

The few days after this were pure bliss.They consisted of secret kisses at breakfast when nobody was looking,at the end of the day when everyone was watching Tv and stretched on the couches.John was laid out on the couch his head wresting on Alex's stomach this was normal for the two men as they were close ,what wasn't normal was when Alex leaned down to whisper in Johns ear leaving kisses up his neck.  
"My bedroom is only a few minutes away," Alex whispered and John looked up.  
"Maybe later,"he whispered.  
"Later?"  
"Later."   
"Hercules they are whispering about us again!" Laf shouted.   
"Probably talking about how annoying you are,get your foot out of my face!"Herc shouted standing up and turning off the Tv.  
"Come on,bedtime everyone it's late and we all have class tomorrow!"  
"Stop acting like my fucking mother!" Laf complained as everyone crowded out of the living room.  
"Oh guys I forgot to tell you Angelica apologised about the house but, I mean there's nothing we can do but she's bringing around another single bed tomorrow to put in someone's room so at least you won't have to share a bed," Herc said.   
"Tell Angelica we said thank you!" John said politely making his way up the stairs.  
"For some reason I don't think they'll mind sharing a bed too much!" Laf joked.  
"What do you mean!" Alex said.   
"I'm joking Hamilton Jesus Christ goodnight!"   
"Goodnight," said everyone.   
As soon as the door was shut Alex had John pinned against it nipping at his neck pushing his hand up his shirt.  
"I thought they knew!" John panted.   
"So did I!"  
"We should tell .." John spoke but was distracted by Alex hitting a particularly sensitive spot on his neck.  
"Fuck," he groaned. The men began kissing again their hands exploring each other.  
"This is later," Alex said hopefully.   
"Yes it is," John broke contact,sitting on the bed to take of his socks and lying back with his hands behind his head propped up against the headboard.  
Alex made his way over straddling Johns hips.He began to kiss him again as he slowly removed his shirt.John did the same to him and Alex began to roll his hips back and forward causing John to yelp from the friction and bliss.  
"Can we not do anything too heavy," John asked. Alex realised that John didn't have as much experience as he did. He nodded.  
"Let me do it,just let me take control okay?" Alex said steadily.John nodded.  
Alex slipped his trousers of palming him through his boxers which caused John to moan.He then removed his boxers to reveal Johns hard member.He took it in his hands and stroked it and gently placed it in his mouth maintaining eye contact.He began to suck and let it hit the back of his throat. It didn't take long until John was panting under him almost near the edge. Hamilton placed a hand on his stomach and with one long suck John came and released into his mouth. He lay there panting his curls sticking to his head with sweat Hamilton swallowed and wiped his mouth lying down next to John and finishing himself off with a couple of twists of his wrist.  
"I could have..." John persisted.  
"Maybe next time!" Alex said curling up small as Johns arms wrapped around him and soon they both feel asleep.  
The next morning at breakfast everyone was their usual chatty self although John found it very hard when Hamilton's hand was placed a little too high on his thigh for him to be comfortable.  
"You okay John?" Asked Herc when he had almost moaned mid sentence.  
"F f fine," he answered.  
"Jesus Lauren's who did you get with on Friday they must have really liked you!" Herc said referring to the hickeys dotted along his neck.  
"Just some guy can't remember much," John said dismissing it,kicking Alex under the table.Herc left to go to the bathroom before everyone left and Hamilton and Laf were discussing whether or not to go to a party on Friday.  
"You two" Laf said pointing at them.  
"What?" Alex asked.  
"You need to realise that I as a human need to sleep, but it is very hard to sleep when I can hear both of you going at it in the next room,could you be quieter next time?"


	8. I guess everyone knows now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making pasta, bets and out. Very fluffy. Maybe an apology for what's going to happen next.

It was a Thursday evening and the boys were in their second week of college, Hamilton was doing well in his classes. Johns art teacher loved his pieces, Herc was following his passion for designing clothes and nobody really knew what Laf was doing since it seemed boring to the three other men. John and Alex's classes finished earlier than the other two men. Which meant they had around two hours alone and much to many tempting suggestions from Alex, John insisted they have dinner as soon as they came home as Alex was one to sometimes forget to eat, drink or even sleep, John needed to remind him to nourish his body properly and while a plate of mac and cheese probably wasn't the most nourishing food ever it was all either of them could cook.  
When the food was done, they had tried to make it together but Alex was messy and spilt cheese everywhere so John made him watch the pasta as it boiled while he put everything together. They sat down across from each other at the table and tucked in. They ate in silence until John was finished and Alex had eaten half of his food, John knew he wouldn't finish it.  
"Laf knows," Alex said playing with his button on his shirt.  
"I know, but we could tell him you had someone over or we could say that I hit my leg or something or..." Alex cut John off.  
"Why can't we just tell him?" He asked.  
"Because it's Laf and he'll get all attached and I know that you don't like commitment and I mean I get that,"John said quickly regretting it almost instantly after saying it.  
"What do you mean I don't like commitment?" Alex asked.  
"I mean you never...see people more than once or twice and honestly I get that cause you're young and,"  
"You think I'm just going to drop you like the rest of them?"  
"Why wouldn't you?"John asked staring Alex in the eyes.  
"Because you're so much more to me than them," He said."This," Alex reached over to join his fingers with Johns "This is all I've ever wanted,"Johns heart thudded and nothing else mattered anymore,Alex was all he needed,no more turtles,no more secrets,he had finally got what he wanted.  
He stood up and Alex copied him and he kissed him and Alex backed up into the open door which led from the hall to the kitchen,visible from the door,the door that both Herc and Laf were standing in silence watching as John made out with Alex pressed against the door.  
Laf coughed.  
"Shit!" John said jumping off Alex.  
Herc sighed and handed Laf a ten dollar note.  
"I told you they'd get together before Christmas!" Laf said skipping past the men to the kitchen.  
"Thanks guys!" Herc said walking past them following Laf.  
"Em I need to erm study!" Alex said staring to bolt upstairs.  
"Yeah so do I,"John said following him.  
"What a coincidence," Laf said smugly before giving Herc a glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who puts a lot of their time putting work into this you can imagine how much a comment means to me, why don't you leave one and I'll make sure to reply


	9. Maria Reynolds likes to gossip.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria and Eliza gossip, John hears, I'm sorry. Everything can't be happy for long

Hamiltons class ended and everyone was in the process of leaving when his teacher called him to the front.  
"Mr.Washington?" He asked.  
"Alexander,the debate team is meeting here this evening for their first meeting I think they could really use someone with your talents," Alex decided that by talents,Washington meant the constant talking and arguing (usually with Thomas) in class.   
"I'll make sure to check it out!"   
"You do that, Thomas will be attending as well so you'll know someone,"   
Alex put on the best fake smile he could muster.  
"Great!" He said turning around making eye contact with Jefferson who was standing at the door. Jefferson smirked at him and turned and walked out of the door .  
John walked into his art class.The place was pretty much empty with the exception of the two girls sitting near the back.One was wearing a blue duffel coat and had long dark brown hair,the other was wearing a red bomber jacket with curly dark hair and bright red lipstick. They looked at John as he walked in and then looked at each other. John scrolling through instagram on his phone and listening to music when he heard them start to whisper he paused the song and listened.   
"I heard that's the one Alex is with now," said one of the girls.  
"Shut up Maria he'll hear you!"  
"He's listening to music Eliza its fine!" Said Maria.  
"I mean you've seen what Alex is like he's probably just using him," Eliza muttered.  
"Why'd you sleep with him anyway if you knew what he was like?" Maria asked.  
"I was drunk and you've seen him!"   
"I mean I guess so"   
" and before..anything happened when we were like at his door and points at me and says "this is all I've ever wanted" and it made me feel special!"   
"Probably says it to everyone!"   
"Probably says it to him!"  
"Poor bastard!"   
And with that John couldn't take anymore he got up and stormed out of the classroom. Leaning up against the wall as tears dripped down his face.   
He didn't notice the person watching from around the corner.   
"John are you okay?" His art teacher asked walking towards him. James Madison was of average height and weight,he was tanned with a mop of curly brown hair and steel blue eyes.   
"I'm alright sir,just not feeling very well," John responded.  
"I'll see you tomorrow then,"   
"We have class sir,"  
"I'll see you tomorrow,John go home." And with that John left and before he knew it he was home alone and it felt like every bone in his body had been broken and his heart was being ripped out. Everything Hamilton had said had been a lie every touch was just to get what he wanted and he would throw John aside just like everybody else but John wasn't going to let himself be used like that.


	10. Drawing turtles - reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay I never said things got better, they don't and won't for a good few chapter I'm sorry. John screams a lot.

Hamilton came home to Laf walking down the stairs meeting him in the hall.  
"What the fuck did you do to him!" Laf shouted pointing up the stairs.  
"What?"   
"It's John Alex and I fucking told you not to hurt him!"Laf stormed out of the room and into the kitchen.   
Alex walked upstairs to their room and opened the door to show Lauren's on the floor crumbled and surrounded by remains of papers and tissues and a big blanket.  
"Out!" He said sternly tears rolling down his cheek.   
"John what's wrong?" Alex said stepping closer.  
"Out!" He yelled throwing himself at the bed to grab a pillow to hurl at Alex,but dropping it and leaning against the wall and sobbing instead.  
Alex walked over and grabbed his shoulders making eye contact.  
"What happened?"  
"I went to art class today,that girl you .. fucked the other night was there, she was talking about you, saying how she felt sorry for me and she mentioned what you said when..."this is all I've ever wanted" you!" Johns anger was staring to build now and he pushed Hamilton.  
"You bastard,you bastard you spun me a line!" He started to thump hamiltons chest, he heard footsteps running up the stairs as he started to scream.  
"You spun me a fucking line,like I was one of your fucking whores,get out, get the fuck out, I hate you, I fucking hate you!" John was in hysterics,Herc came through the door and removed Hamilton.  
"Out Alex come on," and Laf stayed with John calming him down and giving him a drink of water.  
Hamilton slept on the couch for the next week with only a couple of gentle words from Herc and an occasional glare from Laf,he hardly saw John,getting up early in the morning and coming home late at night to avoid him.His evenings were spent in Starbucks downing espressos and doing homework.  
John spent most of his time curled up in his bedroom drawing turtles yet again, although Hamiltons had changed.The turtle was warped,nothing seemed to fit right and the ink pot was done in a bright pink therefore was visible at a glance and the heart sat, broken in the turtles eye.An occasional tear hitting the paper causing it to mix with the colours and making the drawing even more terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johns reaction was a little over the top kinda but this whole time he knew Alex would fuck him over and then he does and John feels like he's proved right and it also fits with the plot really well. Also DEAR EVAN HANSEN is the shit, it's so good. Y'all probably hate me for putting non Hamilton related stuff in here so let's just throw in some more to make you all hate me even more. The last season of Sherlock was a peice of shit which is horrible because I love it so much, Lin Manuel Miranda is the cutest thing alive and deserved that oscar, my child should have won. Also the fuck up at the oscars was bad as hell but I mean human error and all so I don't blame anyone. Riverdale is so good ( Cole Sprouse tho ). I'm back to school ugh. It's almost my birthday !! And I never seem to leave long notes so EVERYONE is pissed but I feel like we don't talk that much and I've had like six cups of coffee to get me through this cold Monday. God I ramble, I also curse a lot. See ya.


	11. James comes over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James visits, Alex is drunk.

It had been two weeks since the day. John didn't know whether "break up" was the correct word,since they hadn't done the whole "boyfriend" thing or anything.It had been two weeks since he had learned the truth about Alex, all of his concerns had been true Alex was everything John was afraid of .It had been two weeks since Alex walked out of the door, he hadn't put up a fight,he didn't even want John because in the end he just let him go.  
John heard the doorbell ring from his bed.He heard someone, presumably Herc or Laf since Alex was never home anymore open the door.Then footsteps up the stairs and Lafayettes head stuck through the crack in the door.   
"It's for you," he said "mister eh Madison?" Lafayette gave him a look and opened the door revealing Johns teacher from behind him.John jumped from the bed and brushed himself off. He was wearing the same clothes as he had for the past three days and his hair was loose and curly.His eyes were drooping from lack of sleep and he had stubble .James looked fresh in a pair of slacks and a t shirt and blazer.  
"Hi,em sir?"he stuttered.   
"Call me James I hope you don't mind me coming around I got your address of miss Schuyler,I saw how upset you were the other day and I haven't seen you in a while she didn't have your number so I came around,"   
James was right John hadn't made the effort to go to any classes making Laf ring in and pretend that Lauren's was sick.  
"Em let's go downstairs tea or coffee?" John asked the older man.  
"Coffee,please," he was polite Alex had never said please or thank you. Though John would practically have to beg Alex to drink or eat anything.James sat at the counter in the empty kitchen as John handed him the cup of steaming coffee.   
James gestured to a photograph of the four of them at a party.The should have been standing still with their arms around each other and they had but Alex had decided to tickle John making him scream and jump while Laf rolled his eyes and Herc jumped to steady John. It was his favourite photo of them.  
"You live with them ?" He asked and John nodded and smiled.  
"Yeah,its a little mad at times,"   
"What's their names do they go to the college?"   
"Em Lafayette I think you've met him,"   
"French,very charming?"   
"Yeah and Hercules Mulligan I don't think you've met him he's out he's doing textiles,"   
"Who's the other one?" James asked.  
"Oh eh,Alexander Hamilton,"   
"Sound familiar actually Mr Washington's class ?"   
"That's the one!"  
"Bright young man!"   
"I suppose you could say that," John said James noticed the atmosphere change completely and was going to question it further when there was a crash at the back door in the kitchen.  
"Shit!" A key jumbled around in the lock and the door handle shook.  
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck," the voice seemed frantic.James looked at John. The voice outside began to shout.  
"Laf!" It shouted."Laf I forgot my keys again!"   
"You should probably let him in," James said.   
John nodded and sighed and headed to the door and opening it.   
"Laf it's fucking freezing out there,Herc made me come home,said I was fucking drunk do I look fucking dru..." Alex stopped when he realised who he was talking to.   
"I'm sorry you're usually,yeah,"  
"Yeah"   
An awkward silence filled the room.   
"Mr Hamilton," James piped up. "I've heard only good things about you,"   
"Thank y..." Alex would of thanked James if the car and the alcohol hadn't suddenly mixed in his stomach and decided to come out all over his nice blazer.   
"I'm so sorry,I am so so sorry,he does this sometimes!"John ran to clean up the mess.   
"It's fine,honestly I don't think I suited this blazer anyway,I think we should be more worried about your friend here,"James gestured to Hamilton who was groaning and leaning up against the wall.   
"Has he ate and drank enough water I wonder?"  
John shrugged and then sighed swallowing his pride he wasted to Hamilton and sat him down.  
"Alex," he said softly "when was the last time you ate?"   
"Wednesday,"   
"Alex today's Friday, you have to learn to look after yourself,"   
"Can you help me help him upstairs?"   
"Sure thing," James said as he helped john lift Hamilton up the stairs and put him into the bed.  
"Your bed?" Alex asked slurring his words.  
"You need it more than I do," John said walking to the door.  
"John?"   
"Sleep,Alexander,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longish chapter to apologise for the longest note ever last time.


	12. He's a good kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of putting drunk Alex to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we agree that I'm the worst at chapter titles.

John closed the door on Alex.   
"I'm so sorry, he's a handful sometimes," James grinned at John.  
"It's fine, he seems like a lovely young man I hope to meet him when he's..sober," James laughed and John noticed that his whole face lit up.  
"He's a good kid," John added leaning against the banister.  
"You speak as if you're his father John how much older than him are you?" James asked.  
"I'm younger,"James looked taken aback.  
"You're kidding, you seem much more mature,"  
"Alex is mature, he just gets too into his work, he never stops, not as long as I know him, he's passionate I suppose, it's...nice,"   
James looked at John questionably.  
"Are you two?"   
"No, well..we...no,"John felt his heart thump again all the pain was coming back and it must have shown on his face.  
"I see, you haven't been to class because,"   
"Eh yeah,"   
"I'm sorry John I didn't know we could have got one of your friends to help him,"   
John shrugged.  
"It's usually me, we haven't spent this long without talking, I mean it's been two weeks, I didn't think it would hit him that hard, I'm usually the emotional one, he didn't seem to care when he..." John cut himself off.  
"Sorry it's fresh,"   
"He initiated the split?"James looked shocked.  
"Yeah, I guess,why?"   
"I mean...." James started.  
"Continue!"   
"It's inappropriate,"   
John gave him a look.  
"No I mean, how or rather why would he be that stupid?"James looked embarrassed.   
"I told you it was Ina..."   
"No!" John interrupted "its fine,honestly," James smiled.   
"I should get going,I hope to see you on Monday," The older man said walking to the front door.  
"You will," James grinned at him and suddenly remembered something.  
"Oh, I almost forgot,the class and I are going to an art museum down town on Sunday,it's a bit too late to pay now since we had to get a bus," John looked disappointed.  
"It's alright,maybe next time,"   
"No that's why I came here what about if, next Sunday you'd like to go to the museum, obviously it would be just you, you could bring one of your friends if you think it would be uncomfortable with just the two of us,"   
"My friends hate anything like that honestly ,but it sounds good,what time?"   
"I'll pick you up here at 7," James said before they said their goodbyes and John shut the door.He heard Laf galloping down the stairs ready to ask a million questions about their guest.


	13. Friends. Friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter nobody fucking wanted but I wrote anyway

Alex woke the next morning with a pounding headache. He wasn't in his usual spot on the couch,he was in a bed. Johns bed. Everything came flooding back. Embarrassment coursed through his body. Some people in his class suggested they go out for drinks and meet up with some other people at the bar, including Herc, therefore Alex thought he could get shitfaced drunk and come home easily enough, it turns out Herc was still pissed off at Alex and sent him home when he got too drunk. Why was John with a teacher. A handsome,young art teacher. John wouldn't do that. Mainly because John was 17 and it was illegal but he wouldn't get with someone when him and Alex were. He didn't know what they were. Maybe John went home with the man and that's why he didn't need his bed. At that moment there was a knock on the door.   
"Come in!" Alex croaked,his voice was still hoarse.  
John walked in awkwardly and set down a glass of water and a pill on the bed stand.  
"Hi,"John said, breaking the silence that head plagued their life's for more than two weeks now.  
"I'm so sorry John," Alex said launching straight into the conversation. John should have know he wouldn't skim around the topic.   
"For what exactly?"   
"Everything, the Eliza thing, for saying stupid shit, for last night, I'm sorry I put you through any of this, I really want to be okay,"John looked at him and thought for a minute.  
"Okay, we're fine, we can be friends again," John realised how immature it sounded.   
Alex looked at him questionably.  
"Friends?"He asked.  
"It wasn't going to work Alex, let's be adults,"John said silencing everything that told him to say what he never got to. Alex tried to sit up but his head was spinning.  
"What do you mean it was never gunna work?"Alex asked he sounded like a hysterical child but he didn't care.  
"I was willing to commit, I did commit,so much more than I ever had, how was that not enough?" Alex started to shout now he didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the passion that was making him so angry but he didn't care.   
"Stop making this about you, you screwed me over, you said those things to Eliza,"John started to shout back now appalled at how immature Alex could be.   
"I made a mistake!"   
"You're always fucking making mistakes Alex, put yourself in someone else's place for a change and say you're fucking sorry!"   
Alex was standing now firing back within a second.   
"What do you mean I'm always making mistakes, how the fuck would you know,you hole yourself up in your room drawing fucking turtles because you can't express emotions properly!" This stung John more than anything Alex had ever said though he wasn't backing down this time.  
"At least I don't fuck everything I come in contact with!"  
"Someone's jealous, I mean you are a virgin, so, at least I've had people that wanted me,"  
"Your parents didn't!" John snapped and he saw Alex's face fall and tears well in his eyes, John broke and went to hug him but Alex backed away giggling manically.  
"I better tell everyone then,"  
"What?"   
"Back home, that they were right, John Laurens was a loser and a prude who stayed in his room all day and had no social life and if it wasn't for me he'd have no friends, they use to laugh at you, at school I mean and I'd agree I mean how sad are you, but I guess it's over now the little experiment, John Lauren's is easy as hell to get to bed as long as you give him some compliments and a few nice words, though, I suppose you've never got any of them before, so you should probably take everything you can get, you're a fucking joke John and you seriously believed I was your friend how sad, pathetic really!"  
Alex hadn't notice the door behind them open during his speech and all he saw were tears streaming down Johns face as a voice spoke from behind him.  
"Get the fuck out Alex, "Lafayette said from behind him.   
"My pleasure," he said flouncing out of the door.Herc was in the hall, he didn't even look at Alex as he left the house.


	14. Laf looks after John.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johns hurting and Laf is comforting.

Herc had left to get dinner and to follow Alex and see where he went while Laf stayed with John. John lay on the bed unresponsive, as Laf petted his hair and wiped away the tears that dripped down his cheek. John spoke in a croaky voice.  
"Is it true?" Laf stroked Johns arm.  
"Non, none of it was true John we all love you, Alex more than any of us, you brought up his parents which wasn't nice but he shouldn't of said those horrid things ,he was trying to hurt you, don't let it get to you,"John sniffed and sat up.  
"Where's he gunna go, why'd you tell him to leave?" Laf sighed.  
"He was being horrible and I had to make you see why and he was probably still drunk or .. and high by the looks of things, he didn't mean any of it, I don't know where he'll go, I've sent Herc out to look for him," John nodded and opened his mouth to talk again.  
"Let's not talk about Alexander how about nice teacher friend,"   
"James, he invited me to an art gallery next Sunday just me and him,"   
"Ooooh I like Mr teacher friend, very handsome,"  
"I don't think I'll go,"   
"What?"   
John sighed.   
"I just, with the whole Alex thing, I just don't think I'm up for it,"   
"No, John go don't let Alex spoil this,"  
John nodded and lay back down closing his eyes, he didn't want to think or talk anymore.  
Herc came home around midnight. Laf was asleep beside John but woke when Herc came through the door.  
"Sorry for waking you, I didn't realise how long I had gone for,"  
"It's fine, where's Alex, is he okay?"   
"He's at Eliza's place he must have texted her since he just walked in, he's fine, how's John?"   
"Hurting," Laf said stroking Johns back.   
He decided to stay there that night in case John woke up and needed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter since I am sick and in pain. Comment your thoughts so far (make it real long) or even just tell me about your day I love hearing from you.


	15. Alex returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex comes back with bad news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never said things would get better.

The next few days consisted of tears and cups of tea, Laf staying with John and helping him through it while everyone constantly worried about Alex's departure. Herc tried to ring Eliza countless times and while Christmas was approaching John wondered what would happen. One Thursday evening changed it all though. John was sitting at the table drinking tea while Laf cooked dinner when the door opened with a loud bang and Alex ran in. He looked worse than John , he was unshaven, unshowered and had a girl in tow.   
"I know nobody is," he voice broke and John noticed the tears forming in his eyes and the look of desperation on his face.He tried again.  
"I know we're not talking and it's fine but Fred rang and the doctors want me there as soon as possible and I need someone to drive me and Peggy can't drive and," Johns heart nearly broke as he looked at his friend pleading and crying for his help.  
"Herc is gone out for shopping, I'll call him now he'll drive you, I would be I don't drive," Laf said quickly jumping of the chair to get his phone. John reached into the fruit bowl and grabbed the truck keys.   
"Come on I'll drive you, is it straight to the hospital?" John didn't make eye contact but glanced at Laf urging him to not make a big deal.   
"Are you sure this is a good idea, are you in any condition to drive?" John was shocked at Lafayettes suggestion.  
"Please, you never have to talk to me again, either of you just, please !"   
"Go quickly, I'll get Herc to drive me down when he gets back," Hamilton nodded.   
"Will you come?" He asked Peggy.She pulled him into a quick hug and John grimaced while he exchanged glances with Laf.   
"Ring me when you get there and I'll be on the bus there, okay," she said and Alex nodded and headed for the door.   
John and him jumped in and started the engine for the long drive home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one again sorry, I had tests all this week but hey if you want more badly written fic I just put up a oneshot about Burr/Hamilton duel. I'd love to give you 13 reasons why you should leave a comment but I don't have the time, effort or tapes. Leave me one anyway ?


	16. Mistakes not revenge tactics.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and John have a good, long, emotional chat.

They had been on the road for around twenty minutes sitting in silence as John was politely ignoring Alex's attempts to stop crying. Hamilton broke the silence.  
"Thank you, " he said looking at John making the younger boys insides melt all over again.   
"You would have done the same for me it's what friends do,"   
"I wasn't being a very good friend last time I checked, you shouldn't have to do this, "   
"If anything I'm doing this for Fred Alex, but since you demand we talk about it there is literally nothing you could do to stop me from helping you when you ask for it, it's a rare occasion, "   
"I'm sorry for the things I said,John,"   
"I wasn't very nice either, "   
"You didn't deserve that though," Alex said choking up again. " I lied John, it was lies you probably knew that I was just protecting myself, and that well I didn't mean to hurt you or anything and it was a mistake, please!" John glanced at him, he could of argued, he could of told Alex that he didn't care, but the look on Alex's face and the fact that he was still infatuated with him took over.   
"Alex I forgive you, "   
"You don't understand John I fuck up everything, I would have kissed you so long ago but I just don't see the point in wasting what we have, what is the point in hooking up a few times and then breaking up and throwing away years of a good, valuable friendship, I didn't lie when I said that this was all I wanted, but I don't deserve you John I'm constantly messing up and hurting people and I can't bare to hurt you, I just want you in my life and you have every right, I mean I wouldn't blame you if you said no but I need you John Lauren's more than I need anyone and I didn't realise how much I needed you until you were gone but I've realised that's how it works,"  
"So be my best friend again," John said simply. Hamilton was out of breath from his speech but he still looked confused.   
"Seriously?"   
"Just be my best friend and I promise I'll be there for you when you need me and hopefully vice versa and we can forget it ever happened or use it as a learning experience, I need you too,"   
Hamilton smiled and realised for a while he had forgotten where they were going and what he had never explained to John.  
"I got a call the night I got drunk, from Fred after class, he told me he'd been diagnosed with cancer, "   
"Alex, " John said the older boys eyes filling with tears.   
"It's the vicious kind apparently, you don't want too much detail, the doctors said he'd have a few weeks maybe months, he might make it for Christmas, I was so angry John and you weren't talking to me and it seemed like I'd lost everything, like every bad thing I'd done, every time I'd abandoned someone or did something bad, I felt like it was all catching up with me and then, I guess the worst part was that I deserved it, "   
"Nobody deserves these things Alex, things happen people are hurt and sometimes we do bad things and we learn from them, but Alex they're mistakes not revenge tactics,"   
They pulled up to the white hospital that they both knew so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty proud of this. Hopefully you weren't to confused at the last chapter. Please leave me a comment it'll make my day.


	17. Schuyler sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schuyler sister and a hospital room.

Alexander Hamilton wasn't a man of any religion. Though Fred and himself were polar opposites he suppose he must of taken that idea from him. When we go we go. But looking at his father, who was by no means his actual father, but advice and trust do tend to mean more to some than blood. Alex wished that he was young enough to believe in God, scratch that he was sceptical even then, he wished he was open minded enough, he wished that he looked at the facts and toss them aside in favour of the beautiful, he wished his body, his brain, would allow him to believe in something so, romantic because this, this wasn't anything to romanticise.   
"I didn't know it was this bad, why didn't you tell me it was this bad, you told me to stay,"Alex whispered tears rolling down his cheeks as he hovered over Fred's bedside.   
John had decided to sit outside but when Alex grabbed his hand before they walked in and looked at him like a frightened little boy that John had known for so long, he knew this wasn't the social butterfly, risk taking, loud mouthed seventeen year old Alex portrayed himself to be, it was the skinny little kid who lived down the road with the mop of dark hair who was scared of absolutely everything but did it anyway, it was his best friend, the one who had always, would always be there for him, so he had squeezed his hand and they walked in together.   
John knew nothing about being a doctor, he knew nothing about medicine or disease, or even birth, but he knew death, he knew from when his mother died that the doctors side glances and the nurses sighing definitely meant something.   
Laf and the others had arrived a few hours later. John and Alex sitting on one armchair Alex on the main part of the chair hands joint with Fred, John on the arm of the chair back a bit, a hand on Alex's back.   
Five people tumbled into the hospital room disturbing the silence.  
Laf and Herc had come in first running to Fred obviously sensing the same thing John did. Shortly before Laf could tell Alex about how exactly they got to the hospital, three young woman, who Alex knew two of as Eliza and Peggy and he found that Herc seemed to know the stranger, Angelica who held her self in such a way that she must have been the oldest, walked into the hospital room. Both Eliza and Peggy walked to Alex to hug him and offer him tissues and coffees. Angelica leaned against the room wall, Herc giving her grateful glances, Alex thought she must have drove them.   
Laf was a mess, he made Alex look a lot more collected. The awkwardness between John and Eliza was apparent yet ignored by everyone in the room. Angelica had offered to get tea and coffee for everyone and Alex went to help, he needed a break from lafs frantic sobs.  
"I'm sorry if I'm intruding Alexander but Laf and Herc and my sisters begged me to drive down here and there wasn't anywhere to go, I'll wait in the car if you'd like,"   
"No need at all, I've been waiting g to meet the oldest Schuyler sister for a while now,"  
"Ah, well it's my pleasure,"   
"How though Miss Schuyler, can I call you Angelica?" She rolled her eyes.  
" How can you, an obviously intelligent woman, miscount how many room there is in a house," he said playfully, taking his mind off what was happening only a few metres away.   
"Well Alexander,"   
"Call me Alex,"   
"I'll tell you Alexander when you tell me exactly why you slept with my sister and then got with your best friend and my close family friend in a matter of a few days?"  
"So coffee then," he asked ignoring her question and regretting his own.  
"Coffee," she smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We meeett angeliccccaaa and I'm proud of this chapter so leave me comments cause I like replying


	18. Things like this aren't peaceful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically it gets worse

Fred died the next day, the doctors said peacefully, but Alex wondered how it could be peaceful when the cancer was causing him so much pain. He had told Alex that it wasn't that bad, nothing to leave school about, that he could come and see him at Christmas and everything would be fine, everyone thought he'd have more time. It was only Alex with him when he started to breath shallowly, the others had gone back to Alex's to sleep. The friendly nurse called them and told them they should come in. Alex didn't scream or shout or smash anything, he held his hand and whispered how much he loved him until the doctor said that he was gone. The others had arrived by this time, Laf and Herc had held his other hand whispering into his ear.John sat beside Alex a hand on his arm. Laf groaned when the doctor announced his death and Herc nodded tears in his eyes. John stood up and Alex left the room, left the building and leaning against a brick wall behind the hospital where there was no one, just a few bins. Although as he guessed John was a few paces behind him.   
"I didn't think he would, " Alex said tears catching in his throat.   
"Shhhh, I know, I know, couldn't be helped," John said embracing Alex. They stood there like that for a long time Alex making a damp patch on johns shoulder. Alex finally stood straight and patted the damp patch he had left.   
"I made your T shirt all wet, " he said and his fingers brushed against johns.  
"It's fine, it'll dry, are you okay ?"   
"No, "   
"That's understandable, "   
"It's not fair, he was good, why is it that bad things always happen to good people,"   
"I don't know, honestly Alex, he didn't deserve to die like that, but the doctors said he wasn't in any pain because of the medication,"  
"Yeah,"   
"We should go back in, we need to make phone calls and make arrangements, we need to be brave for a couple of hours Alex,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment pleaseeee.


	19. Walk the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funerals, sleeping and Johnny cash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically I wrote all of this in between crying about Sirius black and fretting about upcoming exams.

The funeral was a large affair with all of Fred's relatives and friends, people Alex hadn't seen in years and people who he saw on a daily basis, all in black. Fred's sister and brothers had made the arrangements, they had tried to ask Alex for help but he told them he'd rather they do all of it. The days previous to the funeral Alex, John, Herc, Laf, Angelica, Eliza and Peggy had all stayed in the little bungalow. With other relatives staying in hotels as none of Fred's family lived nearby. Alex had never seen his little bungalow quite as packed. He'd had sleepovers with his friends before usually John and himself in his double bed and Laf and Herc on a blowup mattress on the ground. But with the Schuyler's it seemed every space in the house was taken up. John and Herc slept on the coaches. Alex insisted the girls take his bed, he didn't know how but the three girls squeezed in and looked comfortable, like they'd done it a million times before, they all felt guilty. This left Laf and Alex on a blow up mattress in the tiny utility room, they wanted the girls to feel comfortable. It was the night before the funeral and Alex gotten a full night sleep in at least three days.   
"Alex please stop moving,"Laf said sleepily.   
"You forgave me very quickly, for the whole John thing,"   
"How could I stay angry when I know how hard this is for you, you said those things because you were upset, it's nobody's fault,"   
"Me and John have made up,"   
"That's good,"   
"But he doesn't want anything to happen again, he just wants us to be friends,"   
"Is that what you want?"   
"No,"   
"Alex, John is sensitive and kind and unbelievably talented but he gets hurt so easily and you, you're amazing, but people you like seem to just come and go and John is too special for that and it's not your fault, you're both just different people and until both of you figure everything out you shouldn't get into something you can't control, in my opinion,"   
"You're right,"   
Now sleep little lion we have a hard day tomorrow,"   
It was a hard day.But like most things it passed. Before Alex knew it the week had gone by in shades of black and kisses on the cheek from people he hadn't seen in weeks, in shaking hands with old men in moustaches and wrinkled aunties in stupid hats. People had gone home. The Schuyler sisters had left with Laf, Herc and a man Alex had never met but gave John a lingering hug when he met him and met his best friends eye in too much which made John go red multiple times. John and Alex left the little house, vowing to return in two weeks for Christmas, the bungalow sat empty on the street no lights on inside and Alex watched from the truck remembering himself at four years old running up the lawn after the first day of school into Fred's arms or aged ten playing with trucks on the porch with Laf, aged thirteen building a treehouse with Herc or rather watching Herc build a treehouse while himself and John sat on the swings and ate popsicles. He remembered himself at fourteen walking home from his girlfriends house smiling like an idiot or at fifteen sneaking through his bedroom window drunk or high or both and at sixteen sitting on the porch roof with John watching the sun slowly rise talking about whatever took their interest. Leaving that day for college saying his goodbyes, putting the key through the letter box, nothing felt more final than this. No smoke coming from the chimney or an experiment going wrong or a window breaking or setting of smoke alarms with cigarettes. The constant stream of music through the years whether it was Fred's country or Alex's loud pop or their middle ground Johnny Cash, had silenced. The house seemed less vibrant and more grey and Alex realised it's not the paint work or the furniture that make a house, sometimes it's not even the people, it's the memories that it gives you and the sense that everything changes and everything ends.The drove back to the college with "Walk the Line" at full volume.


	20. Kinda Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also known as its Monday somewhere.

Christmas came quickly. Alex felt better. A lot better actually, the mix of the happiness and busyness in the atmosphere made him smile. He hadn't smiled in what seemed like months. John smiled a lot now. He was out a lot more as well. Alex wondered if it was to do with the stranger at the funeral.   
They'd decided to move onto campus. It was originally the plan, but there was no vacancies therefore they had rented the house, but when the college called with spare places Alex was looking forward to sleeping on a bed again and so they packed to go home for the week but also put their spare things into boxes to move when they got back.  
It was johns last class before Christmas break, there was a buzz in the classroom and when the class finally ended there was a loud cheer as everyone filed out. John made his way down to his teachers desk the same as he did every day for the past three weeks.  
The art gallery was cancelled due to the funeral, but they had gone for dinner six times by now. James was nice and kind and calm and he treated John with respect and he drank red wine and wore suits, he was the furthest thing away from Alex which is what John needed and although they went for dinner john wondered if the man was simply being friendly, did he like John the way John liked him. Everyday John walked down to his desk after class and spoke for a while and then left. Though they rang each other half an hour later for the rest of the night, granted they weren't going anywhere.   
"This is goodbye then for two weeks," John said perching himself on the edge of the mans desk.  
"Well we could call and Skype but just no dinners or walks around town,"  
"How will I survive" John teased.   
"I better get going or Laf will leave without me,"   
"I'll miss you"   
"I'll miss you too"   
James got of his chair and gave the man a hug. It was lingering and John knew that nether of them wanted the other to leave.  
John looked at James his arms slung around his neck.   
James touched Johns forehead with his own.   
John tilted his head and James's lips met his own. Their first kiss was gentle and nice nothing like anyone else John had kissed it was subtle and comfortable and john felt himself lean in more and he smiled.   
"Merry Christmas," James whispered when they finally pulled apart.   
"Merry Christmas,"   
"I'm going to need to see you besides Skype what about we meet half way like twice a week,"   
"Sounds better than nothing."   
"Definitely," he whispered as he melted into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we know each other well enough by now that I definitely appreciate comments.


	21. Driving home, arriving home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, this is Late, I'm so sorry I had no internet at all so I had no way to put it up, apologies. Okay so lil announcement in advance. I have pretty big exams coming up so I won't be posting on the Mondays of the 5th and 12th of June but regular updates will happen before and after that date. Hope this is okay

Christmas meant holidays abroad for both Herc and Laf. Their families were close and they all flew to Lafayette's great grandfathers holiday home in France leaving John and Alex to drive the long route home themselves.   
"Laf here I almost forgot your presents, the green one is for you and the purple for Herc!" Alex said running down the drive to put the boxes in his friends shared uber.  
"Thank you my friend, look after yourself okay," he combed Alex's hair with his fingers as he pulled him in for one last hug.  
"I wish you had took my offer to come, you need the break, look at you, you look like you haven't slept in a week," ( He hadn't, he had three thousand word essays to hand in)   
"I'm not in the holiday mood, plus you know how much I love the snow and someone needs to stay with john around Henry, you know how he gets,"   
"I firmly believe that he has good intentions, but he words them awfully and his view oh my how blind can a man be and ..."   
"Laf go, you'll miss your flight,"   
"Okay okay,"   
As the car drove away with the angry looking driver at the wheel Alex laughed as Laf leaned out of his window.  
"Call me!" He shouted and the car sped up.   
Alex walked back into the house ready to make the king drive home. John was on his phone. Alex stood and caught the end of the conversation.   
"Tuesday I promise, okay, I miss you, yes you too, merry Christmas and I'll see you then, bye."   
Alex raised his eyebrows at John and John shrugged.   
"Come on Alex, wash your cup and we'll be on our way,"   
Two or three hours later they pulled up into the drive way of Johns childhood home. Money was fortunately never a problem in any of the men's lives. Hercs family owned many businesses in Ireland, Fred's father had left him a good amount of money when he died and Lafayette had inherited a fortune from his great grandfather but Henry Lauren's wealth was far greater than anyone Alex had ever met. The Lauren's Manor was on the same street as all of johns friends. The houses were huge, modern three story buildings that all cost a great deal of money the only one that wasn't as grand or as big was the small bungalow at the start of the road that had belonged to Fred. It was still a fortune to buy as the area was good, but Fred had insisted he didn't need a huge house all to himself and later Alex. Alex thought about how empty it must look though he didn't dwell on it.   
Johns home was undeniably the largest on the street. It was on a big hill, a great deal away from any neighbours. There was large steel gates and marble pillars with lions and eagles on them. A plaque on the gate was engraved with "Lauren's Manor 1776". The grass was cut short and the vast rows of gloomy flowers were kept neat and tidy.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that please tell me what you think.I update regularly. Have a lovely day.


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